When Everything Old Starts Feeling New

When everything old starts feeling new, you look at a mirror and you start to think renovations you might get yourself into. You cut your hair, you buy a new bag, you start to loose weight, you put on new clothes, and you start to smile like you never smiled that smile before…and then you say “Why not loose control”

When everything old starts feeling new, you make new friends in old places you never looked. You get your life back by doing things you missed doing and you feel like it’s the first time all over again. You get to feel a surge of adrenaline and you get to sleep with a high surge of adrenaline. You look at your cell phone with tons of messages and without reading it you delete them all. Fear is gone my friend. You get to feel alone yet so secure and then you will see how much you missed the feeling at all.

When everything old starts feeling new, you get to be surprised when you meet a catalyst disguised as a stranger. You will never see it coming and you get your second chance. You will start to think about the lost time and you come to realize that nothing is worth more trying or remembering for an end marked its place. You get to meet this catalyst and you start to remember a feeling, alas, this feeling yet you know you need more time. You do a lot of thinking with the same game you might get yourself into. Same game, same you, same goal, yet a very old player you come to be. What the heck maybe third time’s the charm.

When everything old starts feeling new, you get to forget and move on from the past realizing you’re far better than you were, wiser beyond years but still the same you. You get to go places that you wanted to go but the hunger for it does not matter anymore for the feeling is old. You get to go with your catalyst and the next thing you know you are moving on, on a happier note.

When everything old starts feeling new, you get to be a student in the same school. You get to go into a class with the same set of classmates yet a different approach comes to prosper. Familiar faces start to swivel by and an old best friend you just don’t recognize anymore. New faces appearing fresh and a virus unleashed in the open. A new start you must think but in an alien land that looks so familiar in your midst. You get to meet a new professor that are worthy of thy praise and presents herself as a challenged. You get to start a new semester in the same environment yet everything all feels new and just so fresh.

You get to go home by the end of the day with the realization that this really is a brand old new start. You get to realize how beautiful things fall apart and you get to realize you survived it all with all the bruises in your soul. You get to look in the mirror and you like yourself more, far from once the person you were. You get to start again in this old old world. You will want to record this feeling and then you write a blog entitled “When Everything Old Starts Feeling New”.

Shifting Equlibrium

The Silence deafens me as the shallowness of the four corners of my room starts to sink in my head. I close my eyes and the picture of darkness remains the same. I opened them and I realized that there is no point in trying to make a difference because this room has no window to let even the smallest twinge of light to go through. It was a dream I always thought of having…a picturesque that stood still in my mind. I start to wonder which reality I want more, which world is the dream? I ask myself…a dream. I am dreaming…

24 hours earlier

I see people die everyday and I save the most that comes in this room or so I think. I wondered how I kept myself calm when I see a person covered in his own sweat and blood, when I tell a certain family that the one they love the most had just died with the exact hour on my watch, when I lead my team in cutting someone else’s heart and replacing it at the same time, when someone’s life depended on you, all this in one day and no more room for fear, no more room for mistake but room for hope.

School taught me almost everything I need to know, some of them I remember, some of them I don’t. It was only a preparation and I knew all along that in the real world you have to patch things up and be as decisive as I can be. It’s my first day on the job and my uniform that was once white had blood all over it. The smell of panic is everywhere and life depended on every decision you and your colleges make. When you are new you get to have doubts on you diagnosis and it sounds like a suggestion in every time you speak even though you think you are right, you really have to think twice because this room is full of dying people and it gets twice the pressure when someone dies because you have to move on and try your luck with the next dying patient.

I need to be professional, whatever that means, I need to keep my emotions to myself and not be biased in every patient that I have. I am learning and I need to learn how to eat guilt and move on on the snap of a finger. I need not show my tears and I need not show everyone how disgusted I am by the smell of this room.

Every family looks up to you as their last resort of hope. My mother told me in her dying bed that she wanted me to be just like my father who was a great man and I wanted to tell her that I would be great in my own way but then my father arranged everything for me and I was walking a bridge that someone else built for me. Too long to remember how I started to walk that path but then I was already on the middle and I decided not to look back and keep my dreams and aspirations to myself. I am here now; I am the closest thing to a modern day superhero, an intellectual who manages to save lives thru science.

I stood still and I haven’t slept in 3 days that is more like 3 decades in nervousness and anguish. Time moved fast and my youth does not seem to be as enticing as it may sound. Even I have holidays in my schedule but I decided to work full time for taking a break is no sense to me, no one to share it with. I wonder why I feel so empty and why I do not get a simple thank you from one of the ten patients I saved today, too early for recognition besides it was only my first day.

Is it faith that brought me here on this uncharted world of doom? Has abstraction come in my way that all things were nothing but a mere state of mind? I want to escape. I want all of these to be over.

I was walking my usual road back to my apartment. The next thing I knew was that I felt dizzy and bright lights were above me. Masked people were murmuring the same terms and jargon I spoke a couple of hours ago. I hear their screams “CLEAR!”, “no change!”, “CLEAR!”, “we’re loosing her”, “Clear!”. I was tired and I wanted sleep to come to me, they need to win but superheroes need to loose every so quite often making them better at their job…

The Silence deafens me as the shallowness of the four corners of my room starts to sink in my head. I close my eyes and the picture of darkness remains the same. I opened them and I realized that there is no point in trying to make a difference because this room has no window to let even the smallest twinge of light to go through. It was a dream I always thought of having…a picturesque that stood still in my mind. I start to wonder which reality I want more, which world is the dream? I ask myself…a dream. I am dreaming…

Not with me

I used to be the one beside him and the one he would see every time he has that free time. I used to be the one he texts first thing ont he morning and the last one at night. I miss the times he would call just so to know I was home safe. I miss the times that he would give me the look that makes everything okay.

I always knew he was a great man. I expected him to be the best in everything and I knew that he could make all his dreams come true if he just set his mind to it. I expected nothing but the good in him despite my mentality on people. He is great, i was inlove and never quite like this.

I was enjoying every moment with him and to me, forever might be not enough for me to spend it with him. I know, I was stupid and everyday it gets harder without him. It feels like a big part of me was taken. I was stupid, downright stupid and everything else is nothing but a blur. i don't know how to make things work and I always ruin myself in the end to the point that I gave everything as in every single thing I could offer...It was love because of that stupidity I allowed myself to get in to...

I know myself to be strong and all that but i just cant help myself now. I cant even manage hearbreaks now that I chose to be not with him. I allowed him to go ecause I wanted him to be happy even though I had to sacrifice mine. We keep on fighting and we tell ourselves its okay but then everything is not okay. We keep telling orself that we are guilty when the truth is we never forgave each other...

Seeing him with another girl is none of my buisness. It just feels so hard to see my everything with another girl. Move on, I know because there is nothing else I can do. I know he would say bad things about me and wvwn though he denys it I just know he was not the same man I loved... I just wish taht every time I would look at him, I would not see the face of that man I love..still love..I cant bring myself to like anyone or even that simple crush...I may be helpless and I know its not on my personality to be this girl who will miss so much but then..he's not with me..just not with me...Sorry just seems a very distant word that could not make everything okay..

I just wish that one day I could forgive myself and that I could make everything right again...

My Artworks 2

"The Boat Filled with books"

"Flame"

"Alanis"

"A Tribute to Editors"

(Close up of Piracy)

"Piracy"

""Bare"

The Agnostic

Agnosticism is often described to be the middle point in theism and atheism. Theism is put forth the belief in one deity and Atheism is the opposite whereas the existence of a supreme being is highly delusional or to put forth there is no supreme being in their sense.

This is not a religion per say but more of a philosophy in life that is for the people who question the name of God. Deities in this generation are often called in different names such as Jesus, Buddha, Allah, Purusha, etc but in agnoticism there is one universal god that rules us all but he/she is a god without a name.

Influences are being brought to young people because they did not have the right to go back in the beginning and choose which religion would they belong to. A child would be taught prayers of the catholic and would later on be a practice and then somewhat a ritual but did it ever occured to that child that his/her faith is really true if he/she wasn't oriented by his parents about it?

Agnosticism is the view in life where there really is no truth about right or wrong because who did defined it? who created its meaning that is now observed by the masses? The Agnostic respects other religions and listens to their teachings although the respect in those names and culture is there, the agnostic would then be on the safe side and believe more of the god without a name.

The truth of being a mortal shows the possibility that if there really is a god then be it his faith is rested but if there really is no god then it is a life well spent with faith on that universal god. We fear judgement day all throughout but there is more to life than worrying about the afterlife. People nowadays are addicted to religion and it has become their opium for it is holding them on its spiritual boundaries and they will think that they have the better religion that other religions.

It is of better view that people tend to become agnostic if knowledge in their part lead to vexation. Meaning, these people are close to being an atheist and they are ont he verge of being irritated of the knowledge they possess in life and its not about me saying that agnostic people have a weak faith but they question it and their minds are polluted because they tend to know about other religions and they begin to mix up their beliefs and they tend to stay ont hat side where the agnostic takes it course on the middle of it all.

Agnostics are not communists!

Communism, at least in the form advocated by the Soviet Government and the Communist Party, is a new system of dogma of a peculiarly virulent and persecuting sort. Every genuine Agnostic must therefore be opposed to it (http://humanum.arts.cuhk.edu.hk/humftp/E-text/Russell/agnostic.htm)

Faith for the Agnostics is as stronga s it can get that the creator exists. The creator exists although humans are polluted of the practices and controversies of the religion.

Ayn Rand Quotes: A Basis of Objectivism

A building has integrity just like a man. And just as seldom. Ayn Rand

A creative man is motivated by the desire to achieve, not by the desire to beat others. Ayn Rand

A desire presupposes the possibility of action to achieve it; action presupposes a goal which is worth achieving. Ayn Rand

A government is the most dangerous threat to man's rights: it holds a legal monopoly on the use of physical force against legally disarmed victims. Ayn Rand

Achievement of your happiness is the only moral purpose of your life, and that happiness, not pain or mindless self-indulgence, is the proof of your moral integrity, since it is the proof and the result of your loyalty to the achievement of your values. Ayn Rand

Achieving life is not the equivalent of avoiding death. Ayn Rand A

sk yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth. Ayn Rand

Civilization is the progress toward a society of privacy. The savage's whole existence is public, ruled by the laws of his tribe. Civilization is the process of setting man free from men. Ayn Rand

Contradictions do not exist. Whenever you think you are facing a contradiction, check your premises. You will find that one of them is wrong. Ayn Rand

Do not ever say that the desire to "do good" by force is a good motive. Neither power-lust nor stupidity are good motives. Ayn Rand

Every aspect of Western culture needs a new code of ethics - a rational ethics - as a precondition of rebirth. Ayn Rand

Every man builds his world in his own image. He has the power to choose, but no power to escape the necessity of choice. Ayn Rand

Evil requires the sanction of the victim. Ayn Rand

Force and mind are opposites; morality ends where a gun begins. Ayn Rand

From the smallest necessity to the highest religious abstraction, from the wheel to the skyscraper, everything we are and everything we have comes from one attribute of man - the function of his reasoning mind. Ayn Rand

God... a being whose only definition is that he is beyond man's power to conceive. Ayn Rand

Government "help" to business is just as disastrous as government persecution... the only way a government can be of service to national prosperity is by keeping its hands off. Ayn Rand


Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one's values. Ayn Rand I don't build in order to have clients. I have clients in order to build. Ayn Rand

I swear, by my life and my love of it, that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine. Ayn Rand

If any civilization is to survive, it is the morality of altruism that men have to reject. Ayn Rand

Individual rights are not subject to a public vote; a majority has no right to vote away the rights of a minority; the political function of rights is precisely to protect minorities from oppression by majorities (and the smallest minority on earth is the individual). Ayn Rand

Individual rights are the means of subordinating society to moral law. Ayn Rand

It only stands to reason that where there's sacrifice, there's someone collecting the sacrificial offerings. Where there's service, there is someone being served. The man who speaks to you of sacrifice is speaking of slaves and masters, and intends to be the master. Ayn Rand

Just as man can't exist without his body, so no rights can exist without the right to translate one's rights into reality, to think, to work and keep the results, which means: the right of property. Ayn Rand

Love is the expression of one's values, the greatest reward you can earn for the moral qualities you have achieved in your character and person, the emotional price paid by one man for the joy he receives from the virtues of another. Ayn Rand

Man's unique reward, however, is that while animals survive by adjusting themselves to their background, man survives by adjusting his background to himself. Ayn Rand

Money demands that you sell, not your weakness to men's stupidity, but your talent to their reason. Ayn Rand

Money is only a tool. It will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver. Ayn Rand

Money is the barometer of a society's virtue. Ayn Rand

Only the man who does not need it, is fit to inherit wealth, the man who would make his fortune no matter where he started. Ayn Rand

People create their own questions because they are afraid to look straight. All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk. Ayn Rand

Reason is not automatic. Those who deny it cannot be conquered by it. Do not count on them. Leave them alone. Ayn Rand

Run for your life from any man who tells you that money is evil. That sentence is the leper's bell of an approaching looter. Ayn Rand

So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of all money? Ayn Rand

The hardest thing to explain is the glaringly evident which everybody had decided not to see. Ayn Rand

The ladder of success is best climbed by stepping on the rungs of opportunity. Ayn Rand

The man who lets a leader prescribe his course is a wreck being towed to the scrap heap. Ayn Rand

The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws. Ayn Rand

The purpose of morality is to teach you, not to suffer and die, but to enjoy yourself and live. Ayn Rand

The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me. Ayn Rand

The smallest minority on earth is the individual. Those who deny individual rights cannot claim to be defenders of minorities. Ayn Rand

The truth is not for all men, but only for those who seek it. Ayn Rand

The worst guilt is to accept an unearned guilt. Ayn Rand

There are two sides to every issue: one side is right and the other is wrong, but the middle is always evil. Ayn Rand

There can be no such thing, in law or in morality, as actions to an individual, but permitted to a mob. Ayn Rand

There is a level of cowardice lower than that of the conformist: the fashionable non-conformist. Ayn Rand

Throughout the centuries there were men who took first steps, down new roads, armed with nothing but their own vision. Ayn Rand

To achieve, you need thought. You have to know what you are doing and that's real power. Ayn Rand

To say "I love you" one must first be able to say the "I." Ayn Rand

Upper classes are a nation's past; the middle class is its future. Ayn Rand

We are fast approaching the stage of the ultimate inversion: the stage where the government is free to do anything it pleases, while the citizens may act only by permission; which is the stage of the darkest periods of human history, the stage of rule by brute force. Ayn Rand

Wealth is the product of man's capacity to think. Ayn Rand

When I die, I hope to go to Heaven, whatever the Hell that is. Ayn Rand

When man learns to understand and control his own behavior as well as he is learning to understand and control the behavior of crop plants and domestic animals, he may be justified in believing that he has become civilized. Ayn Rand